"You got robbed. I wanted you to win. You should have. It’s weird and it sucks. I was gonna do some times tables you taught me during the speech. Then the music started playing during my speech and I froze. Anyway you know what it is. Congrats on this year and your music and your math. (same) love, Macklemore"
"You have to live a life worth writing about. Laugh, smile, dance, make mistakes, steal, run, run faster, I said faster dammit, come on, they’re catching up, take this gun, just take it, I’ll be fine, don’t move, stay here until the heat’s off."
"There are no gurus - there are only hacks looking to make a quick buck. Not me though. I charge way more than a buck. Like, are you kidding? A buck?"
"Coincidences should be avoided to get your characters out of sticky situations. Instead, try a visit from a sassy angel who can magically make things right."
"Tell the story that is burning inside you. But first make sure it’s a story and not an ulcer. You do not want to learn that the hard way."
"Don’t use one person you know as the basis for a character. Combine traits - like this girl’s butt, that girl’s eyes, and so on, until your character is as hot as possible. Hot like a burning ulcer."
"There are only five types of stories: Morality Tale, Shark Tale, Shrek Fan Fic, Teenage Pop Star Discovers Her Sexuality On The Public Stage, Cop Rock. Try and find a sixth but know that you will fail."
"Reverse engineer stories you like and find out why they work. Do the same with things you don’t like - how would you make a bad thing good? Do the same, but this time don’t just add speedboats. Pretty tough, huh? Based on my stories, though, a helpful angel might be just around the corner to help you out."
Previous writing gems can be found HERE.