STOP THE PRESSES: TURNS OUT YOGURT IS DELICIOUS!
Before today, I hadn’t had yogurt in around 15 years. Now, I don’t mean to be the guy who comes over and says in some dopey voice, “Uh, hey, have you heard of this new band called Radiohead?” and you’re like, “Where have you been and leave us alone” but it blew my mind. I realize that as normal human beings, you’ve all been enjoying yogurt for years. It is fair to be disgusted while you read this and hate me forever. But WOW.
In my head, there was all this gross mixing involved with yogurt. Like there was some weird clear liquid and it was murky and filthy and then you took a drop of milk and put it in the liquid with an eyedropper and mixed it together and that’s yogurt: enjoy. NOPE. Oh my God nope.
I mean, you people have been having this stuff for breakfast? BREAKFAST? It’s like melted ice cream! Only better because there is something unsettling about melted ice cream. If I didn’t know yogurt had been around forever, I’d guess someone like Jay-Z asked his staff of scientists to make him some fancy next level melted ice cream. “Solve the melted ice cream problem while I destroy this beat.” And yogurt is what they came back with just as he finished “Empire State of Mind.” So he played them the new song and they gave him yogurt, and then he spoonfed it to Beyonce but that is another post for another time in another blog called my personal fantasy journal.
And listen, have I had a lot of frozen yogurt in my life? Yes. Did I eat a whole big thing of Pinkberry in my car in the Pinkberry parking lot last weekend? Yes. Did I still harbor ill will toward regular yogurt? Of course. Did it make sense? No! Nobody’s perfect!
I had strawberry and it was a fantastic entry point into this fun and exciting new world of yogurt. I just spent a LOT of time on the Yoplait website (right now some junior exec at Yoplait is reading this after a “Yoplait” google search and quietly pumping his fist) and I can’t even tell you how ready I am to try them all. Key Lime Pie? BOYSENBERRY? Are you…I just…and you can put GRANOLA in this?
I’m on board.
