Kidnapped
BREAKING: Padres Rookie Andres Chavez Kidnapped At Home In Venezuela
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Kidnapper: Is this the General Manager of the Brewers? We have Chavez.
Brewers GM: He’s not one of our players, but I’ll co-operate in any way I can to bring him back to the US safe and sound.
Kidnapper: We’ll send him back in exchange for Rickie Weeks and George Kattaras.
Brewers GM: Excuse me?
Kidnapper: We want to make a trade. Those are two of your players, correct?
Brewers GM: Well, yes…
Kidnapper: We kidnapped Andres Chavez in order to trade him for two players. Then we will trade those for three. Eventually, we will be able to field our own team.
Brewers GM: That’s crazy!
Kidnapper: Have you not read that red paperclip book? If he could trade a paperclip up to a house, we can surely work our way up to a ballclub.
Brewers GM: I don’t know what to say. I’m going to speak to the police.
Kidnapper: What you should do is speak to your scouting department. Chavez has tremendous upside and Weeks saw a decrease in his OBP this year. It’s a fair trade. I’m a kidnapper, not a con artist.
Brewers GM: No, no, no. I can’t!
Kidnapper: If you don’t accept, we’re shopping him to the Cardinals. Do you really want Chavez in your division?
Brewers GM: Hm…
***
BREAKING: Home Run! Brewers Land Chavez In Trade With Venezuelan Gunmen
Weeks: “How is this at all legal?”
