How I Learned I Am A Monster

Guy At The Post Office: Do you have an extra envelope? (Pronounced ehn-velope)

Me: Nah, I don’t have any more envelopes. (Pronounced on-velopes)

Then I gasped at myself and he just turned and left instead of chopping my head off with a samurai sword but if he did chop my head off with a samurai sword, he would have been completely in the right.