City Library Cockfights
Host: WHO’S READY FOR A COCKFIGHT??? That’s right, we got angry gamecocks ready to wreck each other UP! As always, all proceeds at City Library Cockfights go toward the City Library and its various tutoring and literacy programs. Now let’s get it POPPIN!!!!
Librarian: Um, excuse me, I’m actually from the City Library and I’m here because we’d like it if you didn’t associate us with your cockfights.
Host: Whoa! Excuse me for trying better my community!
Librarian: We appreciate your donations, don’t get me wrong, but we don’t endorse animal cruelty, so can you just remove our name from the title of the event?
Host: I’m not crazy about the cruelty part either, and I think that just shows how much I care about upping the literacy rate!
Man In Crowd: Hold on, I was about to place a bet but are you telling me even if I win, they get my money?
Host: No, you see, you still earn the money you win, but built into each bet is a small amount which I collect called the vig. Do you know where I learned that? THE CITY LIBRARY!
Man In Crowd: Thank you! This library sounds great!
Host: It is! Books are magical! Reading is fundamental! Cockfights make it all possible!
Librarian: No! Don’t say that!
Host: It’s true!
Librarian: Listen, it’s wonderful that you gained so much from the library and want to give back, but if you really love the library, you’d understand that it’s not best for the library if public perception is that we sponsor cockfights.
Host: Oh so THIS is why you turned down my request to name the new wing of the library?
Librarian: Do you really think “The Gamecock Victory Blood Children’s Reading Room” is appropriate?
Host: That’s what paid for the wing! The inspiring gamecocks who shed blood en route to experiencing the triumph of victory! The ends justify the means!
Librarian: No. No no no. You leave me no choice but to go to the police.
Host: I’m assuming you haven’t been to The Gamecock Victory Blood Police Annex?
Librarian: Oh no.
Host: NOW LET’S GET IT POPPIN!!!!!
