will.i.am And Fergie Sit Down With apl.de.ap And Taboo To Discuss The Black Eyed Peas Hiatus
apl.de.ap: So what’s the big news? Are we getting a new tour bus?
Taboo: Ooh! With the TV built into the roof over my bed like I asked for?
apl.de.ap: And the gumball machine?
will.i.am: No, no. Um, let’s see…how to put this…
Fergie: We’re going on hiatus.
apl.de.ap: Hiatus?
will.i.am: It’s like…a vacation.
Taboo: Cool! Where are we going?
apl.de.ap: Hoover Dam, here we come!
will.i.am: We’re- we’re not going on a trip. We’re all…going our separate ways.
Taboo: You’re leaving?
Fergie: Nobody’s leaving, and this doesn’t mean we don’t love you. We’re just going to spend some time making solo records.
apl.de.ap: Solo records? But we’re a team! We’re the Peas!
Taboo: Yeah, we all need each other!
will.i.am: Well, you don’t just have to make an album. Like, I also have a successful production career.
Fergie: And I’m interested in appearing in more soda commercials.
will.i.am: Listen, Taboo, I’m sure you want to take some time to get your black belt.
Fergie: And apl.de.ap, you must want to explore your interest in…something.
apl.de.ap: But what if you come up with a song and you need someone to shout stuff in it?
will.i.am: It wouldn’t be a solo album if you were on it.
Taboo: Okay, but what if you go on tour and you need someone to do karate moves on the side of the stage?
Fergie: I doubt we’ll need that.
apl.de.ap: Fine, but like what if you guys are, like, lonely and you want us to play that game you taught us where we buy you martinis and then see who can sit quietly for you the longest while you drink and stare out the window?
[will.i.am turns to Fergie.]
will.i.am: Wait, what about that?
Fergie: No! We’re not a band anymore! Jesus! When Kids Incorporated got cancelled, you know what I did? I put on my big girl pants and wrote some bomb-ass party tracks. How about you give that a try for once?
will.i.am: Fergie, don’t get mad at them. Boys, you didn’t do anything wrong. I know this hurts, but we’re going to get through this.
Taboo: But what if you’re on a red carpet and you need two cool guys to fold their arms and look real tough on either side of you in pictures?
Fergie: I’m gone.
[She leaves. The other Peas listen as she slams the door, starts up her super expensive car and zooms away.]
apl.de.ap: So now what?
will.i.am: How about we play that game?
Taboo: I’ll get the olives!
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